Torment and Redemption
by bradwart
Summary: Revan and Bastila are vacationing on Corellia after the events of KotOR III. But for one of them, memories of the past become too difficult to bear any longer. A one-shot character piece.


**Torment and Redemption**

**A/N. No, this isn't to be considered part of the "Tales of The Old Republic" expansion content for my fanfic Knights of the Old Republic III. It's set in the same era as that story, though, part of my aptly named Expanded Expanded Universe. Just Revan and Bastila, however. I'm trying for a more 'romantic' setting this time. **

Revan sat on the shore. The waves rolled along the golden beach as the sun rose above the horizon. Running his hand through his hair, he regretted not having visited Corellia sooner. The beach was beautiful. _But that's not why you're out here. _his mind told him. He frowned.

There came the sound of footsteps in the sand behind him. Revan resisted the urge to turn. After years of living on the run, allowing someone to sneak up behind him was a foreign concept. The figure of Bastila appeared beside him.

He looked up and smiled at her. "Morning." he said.

She tried to look happy, for his sake. "Good morning, Revan." she replied, sitting down in front of him and leaning back onto his chest.

Revan wrapped his arms around her. "Sleep okay?" he asked.

She shifted. "No."

Revan frowned. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, fearing the answer.

She sat forward and faced him. "Do you?" she asked as a reply.

"What do you mean?" he asked, trying to avoid the question.

"Don't give me that, Revan. I know, okay? I know you can't sleep anymore. Why?" she asked, looking in his eyes.

He sighed. "I don't want to bother you with this, Bastila. I'll be fine. You've seen and been through enough because of me. I'm not going to burden you further."

She laughed. "Oh, Revan, you're so loveable when you're a chauvinist pig. But you're not getting out of this one."

He pulled her back into his lap, hugging her. "Just a bad dream." he said, hoping that would end it.

"About?" she prompted.

He finally admitted to himself she wasn't going to give in. "If you really want to know, I'll tell you. But it's not a nice tale." he said, his voice cracking.

She waited for him to begin. "Bastila, I remember everything. Everything I've ever done. And it horrifies me. That's what I dream of. I dream of their screams, their pleas, their cries. Sometimes I dream of the time I disfigured Malak." He paused.

"Bastila, I enjoyed it so much it sickens me. No one deserves what I did to him. It was bad enough I took him to the dark side with me when I knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. But I mutilated his face, all because I didn't describe my orders for him, and I blamed him for the screw up. How was he to know? It wasn't just that, either. I remember breaking Jedi who didn't follow me willingly. I remember killing people who merely stood in my way. I--" he paused, taking a deep breath. "I remember, during the War when you'd been captured. I could have gone faster, I should have gone faster. Instead I played my little games on Korriban while Malak tortured you."

She was listening, no change of emotion evident on her face. Inside, she was stunned, not by his revelation of his time on Korriban, but because she had no idea his torment was this deep.

"When I was out in the Unknown Regions, we killed, we stole, we tortured Sith for information, we did what ever was necessary to 'complete the mission.' That was when I saw how badly I had hurt Rachel at Malachor. Up to that final battle, she had always been the one who held us in check, who kept us from losing it entirely when we saw what the Mandalorians had done. But now, she was a cold, ruthless machine. She killed because they were Sith, not because we had to. I did that to her, by my forcing her to activate the Mass Shadow Generator. I saw her, and I knew what I had done. And I joined her, because we felt like we had nothing to lose, not when both of us were likely to end up dead."

He stopped, not moving until Bastila squeezed his arm. "What changed, Revan? Why did you stop?"

Revan smiled weakly. "Because of you. When I realized we were going to need help, I thought of you and only you. It wasn't the first time I had thought of you, but this time I thought about what you would think of me, of what I had become. And I knew that I had to stop. For you."

Tears appeared in her eyes. "Of all the people I've met, Revan, you--" she paused, sobbing "you are the most honorable man I know."

He held her in his arms as the sun continued to rise. "Let's go inside, Bastila." he whispered in her ear. He picked her up and carried her into the beach house.

While Bastila was in the bedroom, splashing water on her face, Revan sat on the couch, rubbing his eyes. He needed sleep, but then the dreams would come again, and so he wouldn't sleep anyway.

The couch shifted as Bastila sat next to him, leaning against him. "That wasn't everything, was it?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No. When I saw you on that moon, for the first time in twelve years, it was like I had been reborn. But it still haunts me what I did to you. You were alone for all that time. I talked with Rachel, I know what happened during the Jedi purges. If I had been there, I could have pro--"

She put her hand over his mouth. "I didn't need protecting, Revan. Yes, it was hard not having you there. But I knew you were doing what was right, and that you wouldn't have any peace otherwise."

He seemed to relax. "Thank you. That helps."

She smiled. "My love, you need to forgive yourself. That's why you have these dreams. You bring it on yourself."

He frowned. "It's not that simple. It can't be."

Sitting up, she put a hand to his face. "It is. I do have experience in that matter, remember?"

He was shocked. "Bastila, I'm so sorry, I forgot for a second."

She looked at him. "Relax. I'm sure no one will know if you took the galaxy off your shoulders for thirty seconds."

His jaw dropped. "What?" he asked, a smile coming to his face.

She grinned, starting to laugh. "You heard me, Revan. You've got a bit of a hero complex, if you ask me."

He was laughing now, a clear, powerful laugh, one she hadn't heard in a very long time. Looking at his face, it reaffirmed how much she loved him.

"Kiss me." she whispered, as he calmed down.

Revan nodded, leaning across the couch to her. Their lips met, and in that kiss he felt all his worries melting away.

The kiss broke, but Revan kissed her again. They stood, he looking into her eyes, questioning. She nodded. He smiled, taking her hand in his.

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That night, as she lay in bed, she looked over at Revan. He was sleeping peacefully, no worry lines marked his face. She smiled, laying back down. _Now she could sleep._

The End

**This is my first attempt at a story based on dialogue, not plot. It was a different feeling, not trying to link sections into a grand order. I kind of liked it. Don't worry-the ToTOR project will still be done, and, apart from other stories like this, Cade will be back (perhaps in one of his own?). Thanks go to Auros Sopherai for putting me on to this style of writing-it was a refreshing change.**

**Reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. **


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